I CAN'T SEE...

"I don't need glasses but I can't see. My visibility has decreased to almost zero. I wasn't born this way. God just figured my life would be better if I depended on Him for everything; my sight included. I continually ask Him, "Why?" but He never answers me because I already know the answer. So let me tell you a story about a blind little girl who grew up to be a woman that forgot she couldn't see."

...Bullets flying through windows and drug deals gone bad was a constant in my neighborhood. I walked home with my sister from the bus stop everyday. I was blind, but I made it without any assistance; I thought. I was carefree and lived a pretty normal life from my perspective. Although I didn't have everything I wanted, I certainly never went without anything; except my sight. I don't think anybody really knew I was blind. In fact, I didn't even know. But God knew. He not only allowed it but I believe He, in a sense, caused or created it. He didn't want me to see what many people saw. So He placed a protective film over my eyes, rendering me a blind little girl...

...I am older now. In fact, I am an adult with limited visibility. There was a time when I could see a lot clearer but I messed that up. I used my sight for evil and not good. I looked at others as if they were visible obstructions on my journey. If there was something I wanted, I went after it; no questions asked. Nothing could stop me because I could see! I didn't need anybody, I thought. I had no use for the assistance of another person, place, or thing. The problem occurred when I thought my sight was the thing that led my steps; only to find out that my path was set and my steps were ordered... By God's sight, not mine.

"...But I still can't see. God what is up with that?" He still won't give me an answer. He just says, "YOU KNOW WHY." "Ugh! Come on Jesus! You know I need to see! I can't see where I'm going without my sight! Please Help Me! Didn't you promise to be there for me, to lead me, and to guide me?" "AND I'VE KEPT MY PROMISE." "You have?" TRUST ME, I'VE KEPT MY PROMISE. HAVE YOU KEPT YOURS?" 'But how have you kept your promise', is what I wanted to ask Him because I didn't feel the need to start recounting how many times I broke mine. Shoot! Jesus show' know how to shift the blame huh? (LOL) Okay, let's do this Jesus. Since you took my sight, give me back my mind and let me think on those things... Hmmm...(He spoke through my memory.)

"When you were little girl, it's not that you couldn't see the drugs, the violence, or the abuse, I just blinded your eyes so it wouldn't effect you as much as it did others. I wanted you to grow up believing that you could be or do anything. And for the most part, you have succeeded. But you still have a ways to go." (I open my mouth to speak.) Let me finish before you ask me another question. Do you remember those times when all seemed well at first, and then suddenly, everything somehow took a turn for the worst? (I nod.) Well, the reason that happened was because you called yourself going to get some 'glasses' so you could see better. You picked out the frames and waited patiently for your new eyes. They worked for a while but stopped. Didn't they? (I tearfully nod again.) Well I think you know where I'm going with this, but to make 100% certain, I'll refresh your memory once more. ('Okay,' I whisper.) Do you remember when you were driving in the snow and ice storm and your wipers broke? (My tears bore witness) You questioned how you were going to make it home and for a moment, you didn't believe you would. Naturally, you shouldn't have made it, but you already know we deal with the spirit! Your windshield was 98% covered in ice and no matter how hard you tried to stop and scrape it off at each intersection, the wind blew more ice. You began to cry which further limited your visibility. Then finally..., you put your trust where it should've been all along. You put your trust in me! You took off your 'glasses' and you allowed me to see for you. You got home didn't you? (Again I nod.)Without your eyes but with mine. So...truthfully, you do realize that every time you put your 'glasses' on, thinking that you can do it without me, you will always get to the point when you need to take them off and use my eyes! The storms will come and the winds will blow; limiting or diminishing your visibility; but if your trust remains in me, I'll take care of everything for you by being your eyes with which to see!"
"Thank You Father, That I Can't See! The ice of life has frozen solid over my window but I'd rather put my trust in You because I've realized; I see a whole lot better with Your EYES."

"Because I Didn't Deserve It..."

"What are you getting me for Christmas? 'Nothing', you say? Well, why not? Because 'I don't Deserve It'? Man! You have got to be kidding me! Did you not see what I've done? Haven't you payed any real attention to me? Ugh! I can't believe this! Well you know what? You can kiss my... ."Aah! You thought I was gone cuss' huh? (LOL)

Can you imagine having a conversation like that with somebody; possibly a friend or a loved one? Shoot! Some of you may not have to imagine it, either because it has happened before or it happens all too frequently. To hear the words, 'Because you don't deserve it', seems pretty cruel; especially in this season of gift-giving. But to better understand the rhyme behind the reason, you have to know a person; either by association or the assimilation of a relationship. As a kid, hearing the phrase from your parents let you know that your behavior was unacceptable. But as an adult, you figure the phrase has an underlying meaning. A grown-up can't possibly tell another, 'You ain't gettin' nothing because you don't deserve it'. The reason being is because the pot can't call the kettle black! I just wish the 'grown-ups' who say such things would be truthful and honest about the entire situation. Joka'? Just say you broke! (LOL) It feels better to tell the truth anyway rather than lying and/or spending money you don't have! (Gotcha thinkin' or talkin' huh? Maybe even both... .) Okay, let me get to the time, when if you hear those words, you can and will rejoice. I know what you're saying. And I thought so too. "When will I ever be happy that someone said that to me?" Just let me explain. You payin' attention? Okay.

Just think for one moment, (you don't even have to think back far) when God blessed you and you didn't even deserve it. How He brought you through a situation that you put yourself in and had no way of getting out. Think about the time when you should've died but didn't. Let's not talk about all the times He has forgiven you and turned a blind eye to your ignorance. Ooooh! We won't even get into the times when He Made a Way Out Of No Way will we?! Do you remember the time when you threw the rock (whether it be a physical rock or a symbolic one)and hid your hands? You thought and still think, nobody saw you, but God did. How many times has He brought healing to your body? How many times has He brought you off of the operating table, when you should've died? Remember that car wreck? The one that was supposed to kill you but only bruised you? What about your children or loved ones? Has HE ever done anything for them? Have you ever been hungry and He gave you food? Thirsty, and He gave you drink? In the dark, (because you didn't have money to pay your bill) and He made a way for you to have light? Can you walk, whether you need assistance or not? Are you breathing? Well we know the answer to that one huh? Because you're reading this. And since that is the case, You have eyes to see! (Okay, Okay! I'm done!)(sniff)

I just wanted to make you think a little bit about that infamous slogan. It isn't so bad when you realize the gift(s) you already possess, were given to you, EVEN WHEN YOU DIDN'T DESERVE IT! So when somebody comes at you this season with that weak statement about what you don't deserve; simply smile at them and rejoice while saying, "Thank You". Now they will ask you either with their lips or their eyes, why you thanked them. Just offer them this simple explanation: "Thank You for reminding that God gave me LIFE, Because I didn't deserve it!"

-A. Life...

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Secret Wounds & Hidden Pain by A. Life...

As I wrote this book, I pondered the title as a subject and was floored. Tears ran the length of my face because I never really acknowledged the mere thoughts or ideas behind my life's scars; visible as well as hidden. When my visibility was clearer and the tears were dried up, I was able to stand boldly and give what I had been babying; a name. That name as we have come to know is none other than the title of my latest novel; Secret Wounds & Hidden Pain. As I began to question the similitude of the terms; wounds and pain, along with secret and hidden; an answer quickly forced itself into my mental fibers. How can a wound be secret? How can you hide pain? The answer is simple; a cover-up. We all know what covers were created to do but do we understand fully what they weren't created for as well? COVERS ARE TEMPORARY SHIELDS FROM EXTERNAL ELEMENTS! When the outside threat is extinguished, the cover is to be removed. This is the part we forget about. That which is 'undercover' needs to be exposed. Remember, even the rough has to move, so the brilliancy of the diamond can be seen by the world. TAKE THE COVERS OFF AND YOU'LL BE AMAZED AT HOW GOOD THE 'YOU' YOU'VE BEEN HIDING REALLY LOOKS.

But Tell Me This…How Many Scars Do You Really Have?

Few people know or realize that the word scar is a derivative of a Greek term meaning; place of fire. (Hence, the burning sensation one gets when an injury occurs.) In life, we all go through our own ‘fires’ but it is how we come out that determines what type of scar, if any, we will incur. Aside from the fact that a scar’s appearance is the direct result of a previous wound, it doesn't seem so bad if it’s small or in an inconspicuous location that’s easy to conceal. And though we desire ways to treat the scar(s), we often find ourselves trying to hide them behind the walls of clothing. Truth be told, scars never completely go away, but there are some methods that can aide in the reduction of its size and appearance. Author A. Life… displays in her latest release, titled: Secret Wounds & Hidden Pain (ISBN: 978-1-61623-785-1), the lives of four different women; all wearing the same mask-like band-aid, with the intent of hiding the pain of life’s wounds. She uniquely demonstrates in each woman; how she received her wound(s) and how she will eventually receive her scar(s) of healing. While it is impossible for her to shield us from all injury, it is Life’s desire that we come to know that scars are a natural part of the healing process. And in order to speed up the process we must be willing to remove the secrecy of all masks and/or bandages, so the air of life can act as a healer. When we openly reveal ourselves to the world, what is seen is truth. Wounds are not always secret and real pain is certainly not something that can be hidden. As stated by the author, “We as a people must try not to falsely hide behind walls of wounds, but showcase our lives in such a way that everyone is able to see a life free of pain, displaying scar-like wounds of beauty. For He promised to give us beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness…” How many scars do you have? Show’em off!

Don't You Think It's Time?

"Hey Beautiful! Can I have your phone number?" "Girl, your feet must be tired, because you've been running through my mind all day." "Excuse me sir, I think you dropped this." "Boy, I can make you the happiest man alive!" Etc. Etc. Etc.

All of these cliche-ish pick-up lines have been heard by pretty much everyone you know, including yourself. The funny thing about this known fact is; We as human beings STILL fall for them! (LOL) Why? You may ask because I, too, ponder the thought. While I will never profess to have a PHD in Relationship Expertism; I have had enough 'time in' one to be able to give you my unbiased opinion.

This thought came to me while I was preparing for church. I stood at my vanity and a dear friend crossed my mind. Well actually, it was a chain reaction. When I thought of her, others followed and I came to the conclusion or should I say, 'Question' asking; 'Don't you think it's time?'

Okay, let me back up and give you my reason for asking this so you will understand where I am coming from. I have witnessed several people, but women in general; myself included, who have fallen for the pick-up lines from the past; only to be left wondering where the person you fell for is. In the beginning (the moments after the introduction), all seems well. You talk frequently. You may even go out on several dates. The inevitable happens. And contrary to popular belief, everything is still ok. Now, after the repetitious cycle of conversations, dates, sex, etc., something happens. Well actually; the something that happens is nothing. The phone calls either decrease or stop. The dates are fewer and farther apart. And the sex, whatever kind it is; happens on a 'need it' basis(as if the other person were some sort of commodity). The problem I find with this type of setup is; one of the persons are left wondering, "Why? What happened? Is there something wrong with me? Etc. Or one may even ask themselves, "Why and how did I allow this to happen to me again?" (Now that 'again' word we won't get into because that is a whole 'nother issue where self-esteem is the root.) So... I will return to my question.

"Don't You Think It's Time?" (Time to do what? You may ask.)

It's time for a change! It's time for you to realize that in order for you to be happy in any relationship, you must set and know the bounderies IN THE BEGINNING. If the beginning has already passed for you, you have to pick up from where you are now, face the direction you intend to go and and head there! If you don't, you will always be stuck wondering. So...I ask you again; Don't you think it's time...to leave him or her alone? They have already left you. Whether it is emotionally or physically. And please don't get me started on if another woman/man is involved. You already know It's Time! Past Time! To do something different. Something Better! Like...per se...Love yourself enough? Enough to let go? Enough to live? Enough to be happy? Enough to know that you deserve better? Enough is Enough! It's time out for you feeling like you are inadequate because someone else doesn't know your worth! How could they if You don't? I'll stop for now and at the risk of redundancy, I will ask you one more time....

Don't you think it's time? I KNOW I DO!

~A. Life...

Writing Secret Wounds and Hidden Pain~ The Novel

(You can read an excerpt at www.eborya.com and if you purchase it before release, you will recieve a discount and free shipping!)


Hey Everybody! I would first like to thank you all for your support in my endeavors! It has been and is my pleasure to display my works for all to see! And even more than that, I love and welcome your honest opinions, comments, and concerns. So feel free to give me your feedback. It only makes me better! =))

Ok... Many people have come to me asking me who my characters are based on and if for some reason, they are based on them. Let me be the first to say that None of my characters are based on people as individuals as they are compilations of human beings! =))

I am actually flattered when someone comes to me with such query because it is my endeavor to make my writings relate to life as it exists. I, myself, have gone through many things in my short life and I am proud to say, "I don't look like what I've been through!" You will always find cases in my novels that pertain to everyday life and I pray, if you should find one that relates to you...that the outcome of the character inspires you to continue your journey and walk of Faith!

You will read in my bio, other publications, and my site, etc. that I am not an author who pushes Christianity! Now, for those of you who just gasped, let me make it very clear what I mean. I am Christian! I love Jesus! And I Am Not Ashamed by No Means! I AM A CHRISTIAN AUTHOR! The words of my works flow from a pen written by an author who IS Christian! My novels are Christian-based! It will always be my goal to have readers finish my books with a renewed sense of being and hope because they will have seen or read about a character with which they can relate and that same character will have triumphed in one way or another. Who doesn't like a happy ending? I know I do! So...Pushing Christianity is not my job! Jesus pushes himself on no one! He simply led the way! And I am to follow HIM! Now if one should follow my works, it is my prayer that they come to know and follow Christ as I do!

~A.Life...

IT'S ALREADY ALRIGHT!!!

Who told you that you weren't enough? Who said that you'd never amount to anything? Who made a comment about you to somebody else when they didn't even have the facts straight? Who was it? & Where 'day at now? (Because you need to pass this tidbit of infomation on to'em...lol)

Sometimes we find ourselves trying to change for what we "think" is better and/or what we "heard" was better! All the while, sitting and gazing at the possibility of being something, someone, or somewhere different than we are right now; continue to plague us.

Well please allow me to throw a factual thought at you. You listenin'? I hope so, because I am here to tell you...IT'S ALREADY ALRIGHT!

What you look like; IS NOT who you are! What you feel like; is not the way you will feel forever. And what somebody told you; Certainly, Doesn't Determine Your Destiny! Now I could go on about what somebody said about me. And I can't tell you how many times I've been hurt before by those same words...BUT...I choose NOW to believe that... IT'S ALREADY ALRIGHT!

~So what my hair ain't as straight as yours! Heck! That's what they made relaxers for!
~You think what'chu got on makes you look better than me? Ha! At the risk of not hurting your feelings, let me remind you that My Confidence, NOT my clothes, Keeps Me Beautifully Standing Taller Than Any Mountain of Hate you try to put in my way!
~You a little smaller and shapelier than me? Please, please, please...let me set the record straight. It's not about the size of the Notion- BUT...the Motion in the Ocean of my mind! (Oh yeah, even dogs want meat on the bone. And if you've noticed or payed any attention, you'd realize that the bones are primarily USED to clean their teeth...But...the meat fills the stomach! (Hey! LOL) So, they chew on you (skinny girl) and spit you out so they can Digest Me!

Okay, let me be serious now...(Not!) but, I do want to give you a little food for thought to inspire you into not only believing but knowing that...IT'S ALREADY ALRIGHT!

God created you in His Likeness and in His Image! And although the enemy has his folk tell you otherwise, you must remember that fact. If you look like God...You already alright! You may not talk like God all the time and you may not act like God all the time...But while you're on your way...You already alright! When you are 'like' something or someone, you are not them because there can only be one! I say that to say; God is God all by Himself and He created you to be you and nobody else! To hell with what people think about you, say about you, or even feel about you! You are only what you believe and that should be...the only option available, which is... You said it! IT'S ALREADY ALRIGHT!

Now, I do understand that you may be going through something right now; and you may even question why I speak in past tense; But just as Jesus was being beaten with many stripes and hung on the cross for you and I; He spoke in past tense and He said, as I say to you; YOU ARE HEALED from folk and everything else that mean you no good. And the pain from all the things that you have gone through and are going through IS FINISHED...if you believe...Right Now....IT'S ALREADY ALRIGHT!!!
~ A. Life

You 'Tied' (tired) Yet???

Have you ever been in a place where you didn't know where you were and you certainly didn't remember how you got there? Have you ever felt alone even when you were in the company of others? Do you ever wonder why it seems like the harder you try, the longer it takes or the worser it gets? Do you ever feel like quitting, givin' up, or throwing in the towel???

I am almost 100% certain that your answer to all these questions is; "Yes!" And since I am so sure, I want to ask you just one more. It is one my mother has asked me in times past, and though I wished she'd just, "Shut-up!", her query made me think. She'd say to me, as I to you; "You tied (tired) yet?"

Yes I am! I am tired of all my insanities; where I continue to do the same things repeatedly; while expecting different results. I am tired of ending up in places when I know I started out in a different direction, on a journey headed towards an entirely different destination. I am tired of being alone with seemingly no one to talk to because I am surrounded by human frailties. I am tired of being so strong, yet enveloped in a body of weakness. It seems the harder I push on, the force of life's gravitational pull, yanks me back to a state of sheer defeat! Then; my hands go up in an act of surrender-like attitude and I yell at God but to Him; "I mean, FOR REAL JESUS? IS THIS HOW IT'SPOSE TO GO? CAN YOU GIVE ME A LIL' HELP!? I KEEP TRYING AND FAILING, RUNNING AND FALLING, REJOICING ONLY TO GET...sad again." My hands fall down and along with my knees I hit the ground. Tears are streaming violently down the mountainous cheeks of my pie-shaped face. I am now crying; not because I am so tired. But because I have somewhat insulted My Reason For Being. He didn't have to say one word to me because His silence spoke louder than any words could.

"So...? You tired of being "tied"? Well, your tiredness has nothing to do with ME! You are only tired because you are "tied" to it! If you would just slow down long enough to receive the instructions I have laid out for you, you would know that in order to get where you are going, you must first "untie" yourself! Untie yourself from everything and everybody that mean you no good! Untie your mind from believing and thinking the world's way! Untie your heartstrings from unhealthy connections! Untie your soul from the stinch of man's corrupt seductions! AND Untie your Spirit from the painful grips of yesterday!!! I HAVE CREATED YOU TO BE AS FREE AS A BIRD; FLYING HIGH AND SOARING TO PLACES YOU'VE ONLY DREAMED OF LIKE THAT OF AN EAGLE. AND AS YOU FLY, YOU WILL NOTICE THAT SOMETIMES IT GETS LONELY AT THE TOP. YOUR WINGS WILL GET TIRED AND YOU'LL WISH FOR A FLOCK, BUT NONE WILL COME. FRET NOT BECAUSE I HAVE DESIGNED IT THIS WAY! THERE AREN'T MANY PEOPLE WHO CAN AND WILL DO WHAT I'VE CALLED YOU TO DO; JUST AS THERE AREN'T MANY BIRDS LIKE THAT OF AN EAGLE WHO CAN AND WILL FLY AS HIGH AS NEEDED, TO GET WHERE THEY'RE GOING TO! DON'T STRESS OUT OVER THIS!!! JUST REMEMBER: EAGLES FLY HIGH BECAUSE THEY PREFER NOT TO DEAL WITH UNNECESSARY PROBLEMS BELOW!!!! DURING THE FLIGHT, YOU MAY GET LONELY, BUT YOU ARE NEVER ALONE BECAUSE I AM WITH YOU! YOU MAY EVEN GET TIRED IF THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD RESTS ON YOUR WINGS BUT I PROMISE; IF YOU UNTIE YOURSELF, THE FLIGHT WILL BE MUCH EASIER!!!"

I'LL ASK YOU ONE LAST TIME..."You tired of being "tied?"

When I got up, I was free and my wingspan was much wider! I can now say that I am glad I got tired of being "tied!" I would have never known what true freedom meant had I not first "untied" myself! Now...if you ever see any "strings attached", it will only be because I helped remove yours!
~ A. Life

When Is it Okay???

Wow! Have you ever sat and wondered about the possibilities of what could be? Don't answer that! Today I sat and had a major battle with a similar question. Only the answers fell more into the negative category as opposed to the former question where the possiblities of one's life almost always end up in the land of opportunity or the field of dreams!

My battle began with the father of my children, my ex-husband calling me and telling me that he would be moving out of state in a couple of weeks. I was really not concerned with his moving as I was with the fact that it didn't really seem to matter to him that he would now be absent from the lives of our children. But I laid back down and tried to fall back to sleep. To no avail I threw the covers off and went on a rampage...

When is it okay for men to leave their children as if garbage left on the curb?
When is it okay for guys to participate as father but when the relationship with a child's mother fails the role is abandoned?
When is it okay for women to assume the roles and responsiblities as both mother and father?
When is it okay for a man not to pay child support?
When is it okay for the mother to have to go without because her children have needs?
When is it ever okay for a child to go without?
When is it okay to be unhappy?
When is it okay to hurt?
When is it okay to forget your past?
When is it okay to give up or quit?

I could go on but as you can see the answer remains the same....NEVER!!! It is Never okay for a man to leave his children whether biological or marital. It is Never okay for a woman to have to assume both roles and though the scenario is known all too well, a child needs each parent and even more, the most important role model in a child's life is the parent of the same sex. How else would they learn to be who they're supposed to be? Women go without everyday for the sake of their children, not because they want to but because they have to. This should Never be and wouldn't be if the father was present. Of course you know when a woman who is a mother can't provide for her child, it hurts to the core. This too, should Never be! Yes, we women hurt for our children when their hearts are broken or when they don't win first place but this type of hurt is therapeutic in a sense because therein lies a lesson but real hurt when it comes to a child should Never be okay! We all know it is Never okay to be unhappy because sadness brings with it other visitors, (i.e. stress, pain, depression,etc.) who in turn become extended stay guests! And Let us Never forget our past or where we've come from because if we know where we've been we will have a better view of where we're going! BUT we should Always remember that Quitting Is Not An Option!!! Y'all Keep on keepin' on because it is Never Okay not to!!!

Hey Y'all! I have been meaning to start this a long time ago but life happened as it always seems to! (lol) Anyway, I have finally finished my 3rd book called Secret Wounds and Hidden Pain and I am relieved! But the closer I get to accomplishing my goals, it seems the trials be not so much as off da' chain But off da' hinges! (lol) But I don't trip too much because I remain optimistic and I try to look at the bright side of things! Hey I finished another book! You feel me?

As the song says; I can see clearly now the rain is gone....but wait the rest of the song is not a want but definitely a need...It says; I can see all the obstacles in my way... Now on one hand its great to be able to see your obstacles so you can know how to confront them but on the other hand, who wants obstacles? I know, I know. They come to make me stronger right? Hale naw! They DO! (lol) All trials are obstacles! AND we all know in His word it tells us to "think it not strange...the trials that come..." Man! God show know how to lay that ole' verbage on ya! Don't He! (lol) Think it not strange? For real? I don't necessarily think its strange, I think its hard on a sistah! He already know how my mind works! He already know I am one pier away from my foundation tumbling down! He know good and well that I already got enough on my mental plate! Then He gone turn around and hand me a steak knife. AND I'on even eat steak! Dang Jesus!!! Can a sistah get some A-1 to go with that? & Don't put too much eitha!(lol)

But for real y'all I love God and I know what my trials are here for. And if you noticed I repeatedly say that "He Knows," well that's the beauty of who He is to me!!! How would it look for me to say that my daddy don't know me?(We ain't talkin' about natural daddies-that's anotha day!) If he didn't know me I would be considered a bastard eh? That's real talk y'all! So I'm glad He knows me, ain't you? (If you don't know'em You betta get to know'em)He knows my every thought!(oh dang! That's anotha one too!) He knows me! And I thank Him for these obstacles and trials because without them I couldn't finish the rest of that song's line....

"Its Gonna Be A Bright,Bright...Bright, Sun-Shiny Day!!!"

And who don't want bright sun-shiny days? I know I do!