Hey God! by A. Life...

God, are You listening?

Do You see me down here?

I'm tired.

I have more needs than I have money.

I have pain in my body.

My mind hurts because my head won't stop allowing my brain to send thoughts through it.

My face burns because the smile it wears is getting too old and doesn't fit anymore.

My calloused swagger needs to be resurfaced with a razor blade.

The two hands on my arms swell from holding life's work....

My,... my,... my,... .

I am tired...

Tired...

Tired...of complaining!

Ay'Yo God, are You still listening!?

I know YOU see me down here!

You know I'm tired!

You know I have needs because You promised to meet and supply every one of them!

Over 2000 years ago, Your stripes of pain healed mine!

You gave me a mind to think and rationalize with!

You also gave me the capability to renounce my mind's thoughts while I gain the mind of Christ.

The smile on my face will stretch wider than my head and the skin will be replenished by tears shed.

My feet will still need some work but that's okay because the devil's head will be badly bruised!

My hands will remain in a lifted state to give you praise because...

Ay'Yo God...

I know You're listening. I know You hear me!

So I'll use this time to tell YOU...

Thank You!

THANK You!

Thank YOU!

THANK YOU!!!

Not only did You give me life, health, and strength...

You gave me LIFE...and Life more abundantly!

You looked beyond the fault of my foolishness and saw every one of my needs!

My kids are well!

And I will forever have a story to tell...

That is...

That I am gratefully kept by Your Grace!

And Thankful for Your never-ending Mercy!...

God, Thank You For Listening To My Complaints Until They Turned Into THANKS!

-signed, Your Child...A. Life...

I'm Baaaack!!!

Wow! It's been 18 months since my last post and as I've said many times before...I endeavor to make this a daily thing...pray for me... Feel free to comment or forward my thoughts, feelings, actions, testimonies, etc., to others and I pray they bless someone as it blesses me to share! I love you all! Here goes...I'm baaaaaack!!!! (Psst! Devil? I'm BACK!)

Do You Know Charlene???

Well let me introduce her to you. Charlene is a hard-working woman who loves her family. She is a good mother and is married to a loving preacher; who inadvertently loves other women. And she goes about handling her life as an accountant of a business in the red. She knows how to cover it up by manipulating the numbers and all who look at the paperwork remain dumbfounded and fooled. So I ask again, 'Do you know Charlene? Could she be you? Or is she someone else you know?

This is an open discussion! So feel free to comment on any of the posts. But I ask you...to share your story. Tell us how you changed your name (story). It may not only be beneficial to others but it may even help you better understand yours. I'll go first.

I know many Charlene's. As a matter of fact, my name used to be Charlene; but it wasn't always, and it isn't anymore! So here is a snippet of my life; pre-Charlene, as-Charlene, and post-Charlene.

Remember that old Gwen Guthrie song-Ain't nothing going on but the rent...You got to have a J-O-B if you want to be with me? Huh? Boy do I! That was my 7 year-old anthem! Every time I heard it, I sang my heart out. And I purposed then, that I'd have a family with a man who had a J-O-B; as if that was an appropriate thought process for a 7 almost 8 year-old. (LOL) Fast forward 10 years or so. My purpose was manifested! I had a family that included a loving husband with a J-O-B and life was good. I had a nice home and my business began to thrive. In walks Charlene. My husband accepted his calling to preach, my business grew and I bought a bigger, better, house. But little did I know that with his acceptance came confirmation. The confirmation that said, 'Now you have a husband who is a preacher and he not only loves you, but his position allows him to love others (other women to be exact). I as Charlene, wore my mask with painful pride and you couldn't tell where it ended and my skin began. Outsiders thought all was well. That's because they couldn't see my heart. Remember, I told you Charlene is a good accountant. If only they would have went to school to learn how to read the 'numbers' of life. If only someone would have taken my papers and read them, I mean really read them with a fine-tooth comb; I would not have not suffered such loss! I lost everything-my marriage, my home, my job, and almost my mind! Not to mention the pain my children suffered from a divorce! Fast forward again. After all that, I had to regain my composure, straighten my stance, and check my swagger! The realization of how life was supposed to be, hit me like a ton of bricks and when the wind returned to my body, I decided it was time for a change. A name change came first! You see, after all the hell I'd been through, I didn't need a court document to approve the change; my life was the jury and God was the judge; and He said to me; as I tearfully say to you; 'No longer will I allow you to be a victim of the past. Though you were beaten down, bruised, and even broken, you were not destroyed. Your promises have been delayed but not denied. And for these reasons alone, I call you: Life!' Life walked in when Charlene walked out!

So there you have it....This is me...This is life...and This is...my story (well a portion of it)... . What's Yours?

"Bring It On!"

"I've had some good days...And I've had some hills to climb...I've had some weary days...Aaaand some sleepless nights! But when I look around...and I begin to think things over...All Of My Good Days...Outweigh My Bad Days...AND I WON'T...I CAN'T COMPLAIN!" (Go'on and finish it...)

Many people who know me and have heard me sing, know that this is one of my favorite songs of all time. In fact, as I tearfully type these words, I am reminded over and over about the goodness of God. And I would be remiss if I didn't tell HIM, "Thank You!" So... It is at this time (if you choose not to join me), that I will ask you to excuse me for a moment. I must give HIM praise...because...had it not been for the hills I had to climb; I wouldn't be able to stand on the flat grounds of my pain and praise You in spite of the rocks that stab the soles of my feet... had it not been for the weary days I've had to endure; I wouldn't be able to gratefully experience and appreciate the gift of a sunny day, rather it be natural or spiritual... had it not been for those sleepless nights and 'oh how often they come; I would've never...Ever...understood that sleep and rest are two totally different things; it is during those nights of tossing and turning that You are teaching me to Rest In You, so...I Thank You... I Thank You because I continually look around at others who either appear more blessed than I am or those who are worse off than me...and I can't help but give You praise because even though I've had some bad days...too many that I care to count...The Good Far Outweighs Them! So I Can't Complain! Although my flesh desires to lash out at that which appears to be causing me some dis-ease...I find myself laughing hysterically at the enemy because I have learned that he can't do to me, what God doesn't allow. So...as I tell My Jesus, 'Thank You!' I am also inadvertently telling the enemy to, 'Bring it on!' If you're wondering why I encourage such behavior, the word tells me to glory in tribulation because it produces patience-producing perseverance! And just as Jesus told many; 'These things must be...'

Now the next time you're confronted with a situation that seems too much to handle or bear... Please believe me when I tell you that God's allowance shows that He cares! Don't trip or get upset. But if you do, don't let it last too long because you're wasting valuable time being angry about (one) things you can not change and (two) about things that you should be praising God for!

So...Allow me if you will, to give you a head start in telling God, "Thank You" while you cheer the enemy on. (***Warning!!!***Constant Praise Will Upset the Enemy BUT Evoke The Spirit Of God Into Action) If you are not ready for battle, you can stop reading now. But if you are...Let's Tell whoever your enemy is, together, to "Bring it on!"

"Devil, the more you attack me, the stronger I get! Had it not been for you being allowed to touch my finances; I would have never been able to praise God for the things I do have! My car is jacked up, but God I thank You for not having to walk! My gas may be cut off, but God I thank You for blessing me to still have a home to live in with blankets to cover up with! My cupboards may not be full; but God I thank You for having food to eat! My children may be acting up, but God I thank You for having healthy kids. My child may be incarcerated, but God I thank You for him not being imprisoned in his mind. My business may be slow, but God I thank You for having a job...(Y'all feel me?) Keep on praising God while you tell that enemy to, "Bring It On!"

The Second Wave...

We all need reassurance from time to time; a pat on the back perhaps, or maybe even a nod of approval. But does that make us a weak and needy people? Certainly Not! It makes us human. I don't know one human being who doesn't like vocal gratification, physical stimulation, or monetary saturation. (If you find one, send'em to me so I can rip the lie right off of his/her tongue!LOL) In fact, without such reinforcements, our actions, efforts, and deeds, would significantly decrease. I know me better than I know anybody else; so I can tell you from firsthand experience that a pat on the back when I'm on my knees, gives me just enough strength to stand up. (Now that pat on the back better be from somebody 'with no hands' (lol) because it may just be an insult if coming from someone with the means to pick me up. (But we won't even start on that subject.)) I'm still talking about 'The Second Wave' y'all. But I am trying to paint a picture so that you can understand where I'm coming from. WE ALL NEED A SECOND WAVE EVERY NOW AND AGAIN!

I arrived at this conclusional theory, if you will, while dropping my daughter off at school one day. Although this was a regular practice for her, it never really hit me until it hit me. The usual kiss on the cheek and well wishes for the day, almost always occur, but the second wave; happens without thought and without question. As I walked home on that cold winter day, the tears flowing from my eyes; warmed my scarf-less face and my mind began to overextend itself with worries of, 'Why?' "I wonder why she always turns around to wave 'goodbye' for a second time? 'Why?' Is it because she, for some reason, believes she won't see me anymore? Or perhaps, she figured I didn't hear her or see her the first time? 'Why?'" I thought about it for a while or just until I was warm and inside my home. And the hit that I said hit me...really Hit me!

The reasons for her 'second wave' may vary from time to time, but then again, so does mine. (Tears) When my baby waves, she's possibly saying, 'Bye again Mama!' 'I love you again Mama!' or an, 'I'm sorry again Mama!' (If she's gotten into trouble) But no matter the reason, regardless of the circumstance, what she EXPECTS; is for me to be there! (Tears)What good is any wave at all, if nobody sees it?

So it is at this time that I choose to tell God, 'Thank You' for the second wave. With the wave of Your Voice's hand, You spoke me into existence. But with the wave of Your Breath's hand, You breathed Life into me! So, "I Thank You!" With the wave of Your Heart's hand, You let me feel Your Love. But with the wave of Your Footsteps to the cross, You MADE Me Know Real Love! So, "I Thank You!" With the wave of Your Redemptive Power, You Saved Me! But with the wave of Your Omniscient Presence, You've Kept Me! And For That... I still say, "Thank You!" "Thank You Again Jesus, For My Second Wave because You have lovingly spoiled me into Expecting You to be there!" Had it not been for Your Second Waves, I wouldn't be here today! And just as I stand there for my baby's reassurance, I stand in the reassurance of Your Goodness, Your Grace and Your Mercy because I know...

The Second Wave is Not The Final Goodbye... ."

This Joy I Have...

I can think of so many songs that express my deepest, sincere gratitude for God like:

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands... .
I get Joy when I think about...What He's done for me... .
I still have my Joy... After all the things I've been through, I still have my Joy... .
This Joy I have, the world didn't give it to me...and the world can't take it away!

Joy? What is real joy? And I am not talking about Webster's definition either. I'm talking about the feeling you get when your heart is full of words that your mouth can't speak. Real Joy. When even in the midst of confusion, tears stream steadily down your smiling face. Real Joy. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you know what real joy is?

I'd like to think I know a lil' something about this feeling called; JOY. Joy, to me is; being able to wake up in the morning with more than the activity of my limbs. It is being able to wake up and see the activity of my babies' limbs. Joy, to me is; having more needs than I have money but still being able to lift my hands to say, 'Thank You Jesus!' It is being able to praise God in spite of my circumstances. Joy, to me is; being able to laugh when I want to cry; run when I want to stand still; clap when I want to slap somebody! (Awe! Don't act like you ain't neva wanted to slap nobody!) LOL God is Good Y'all! Joy is breathing...On My Own! Joy is walking and talking...On My Own! Joy is being able to see...On My Own...without the need for glasses! Joy is not only believing He'll make a way...It's knowing He Will!

I got to stop now y'all, 'cause This Joy I Have...Wasn't given to me by man, which is why he'll never understand...why...I get Joy When I think about....What HE KEEPS DOING FOR ME!!!
-A. Life...

I Know Why...

I know why the caged bird sings. He sings because there's nothing left to do. I know why a person cries when they get hurt. They cry because there's nothing left to do. I know why a real mother loves her children unconditionally. She loves them because for her; there's nothing left to do.

I used to ask the Lord, 'Why?' every time something happened to me that I didn't understand. 'Lord, why was my child the only one to get hurt when all of the other kids were playing too?' 'Lord, why did You create my back with steel and my knees with iron; when my heart seems so weak? I'd even ask Him, 'Lord, why did You bless me with the spirit of laughter, when I want to cry?' His answer would always be the same; 'My child,...you know why...'

As I type this, I am constantly wiping my tears while resisting the urge to question Him. 'Lord, why am I always on the giving end when the receivers have nothing to reciprocate?' I know why. I give because it's in me to do so. And since it's my desire to bless millions, He wants to see if I can be obedient with one. 'Lord, why does it seem like my car keeps braking down on me, even when a mechanic recently worked on it?' I know why. Besides the fact that He's preparing me for a new one; My car is actually mimicking the heart of my spirit. I continue to take it to be fixed by someone who does not specialize in the make and model; just like I allow my heart to be touched by those who only pretend to know the art of love. I know the 'why' to that too. It's cheaper...at first; only to end up costing me more; more money (because I have to take it to a professional), more time (because without a car, everything takes longer!), and more heartache (because my heart is already leaking from the cracks life's lust have created).

Long story short, when and if the officer of life issues me a warrant for the arrest of my heart, or a citation for parking in the wrong lane called; 'Lord why?' I won't even have to question Him. I may never know why my baby was the only one hurt; (not because I desire another child or parent to experience pain) but I learned to give God praise for the fact that she could've been hurt worse. I know why He made my back and my knees strong too, because He knew that I would need to possess the strength to uphold someone else while kneeling down to pick them up in prayer. And my heart...My heart is really stronger than I think. God just wanted me to get a minute taste of what He goes through daily. And since the heart itself is a muscle; the pain I have endured from the tears; will decrease greatly while His healing power of love rebuilds each fiber of strength.

Now, while I can and will NEVER promise to not ask Him, 'Why?' I believe in life, there's always a lesson to be learned and greatness to be seen. My tears will always be laughter and my pain will subside much faster; because...I usually know why... and since I know why...there's nothing left to do but praise Him in advance!

Do you know why?